My Place In The World
This is my Place in the world to spill my thoughts and such and to possibly learn more about myself
AAAAHHHHHHH
Posted by Carie on 6:45 PM
So we will start this post with todays huge drama...fire at my daughters school. I get a call from my daughter saying she had gotten locked in the bathroom during a lock down at school due to a fire...ok so let me get this right, they locked my daughter, accidentally, in the bathroom while the school was on fire!!!!! A girl locked in with her used Ashleys cell phone to call a friend of hers at school who then went and got a teacher to let the girls out, am I mad...oh hell yeah!!!!So see it was a small fire with the potential to be a major dissaster, the electric box blew up, fire and all, next to the propain tanks...ummm yep they have their electrical box (main one) next to the propain tanks...thank god everyone is ok and no real damage caused, the kids all came home way early due to no power.
It is the scariest thing ever to get a call like that, to know your child is in a situation like that and you are far away from them. Yuo feel helpless and useless. When my daughter was in Kinder there was a lockdown at her school, there was a gunman on her campus, my backfence backs up against the kinder area, so I jumped the fence and went in through their window...I just had to be with her, good thing to since the teacher was in a panic. I just hate that my daughter is not safe at school, 2 boys were arrested recently there for making bombs, a major fight here left a kid dead (not ashleys school, but in her district) 2 girls were plotting to stab another girl...just so much violence...I hate it!
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Ashley got contacts, she is over the moon about it lol...she has wanted them for awhile, and so Ken got a new insurance that allowed it to happen. We got her a new pair of glasses and the contacts, she looks so different with her contacts lol...so used to the glasses. Funny everyone has colored ones yet my daughters eyes look way bluer than the fake ones, and hers are all natural lol.
She had some trouble getting used to putting them in and taking them out, but shes a little pro now...I love that she seems more confident with them. She is such a beautiful girl, with or without...she is truely a little beauty ;)
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Her father has not made contact after that attempt, I think tha upset her, that it was such a weak attempt, but one thing it did do was bring her and Ken closer, she definatly talks to him more lol. Funny when it happend I was asleep, she came to him and told him, I think she was scared and telling him helped, I was glad he was there for her.
Well thats my last few days in a nut shell...I will write more later :) |
Blast From the Past
Posted by Carie on 1:45 PM
Yesterday Ashleys father tried to add her as a friend on myspace, she hasn't seen him in 10 years...no calls, nothing. She didn't add him, I said no...it scares the hell out of me that hes back, here in cali, once again trying to get back into our lives. He is living with his brother not to far from here, to think hes been this close for awhile and it just dawns on him to look for her...ass hole. He knows where we live, he knows where we live, he knows the phone number, but he makes it sound like he had no other option that myspace...I just wish he would do this the right way, to respect her wishes, to understand shes just not ready...
I can't believe hes back, I hope he grows up and respects Ashleys needs and wants, and I pray he doesn't just stop by...scares the hell out of me. |
OH NO!!!!!
Posted by Carie on 11:41 PM
My baby girl is starting high school in the morning!!!!Did you hear me?
My sweet little baby girl is a high schooler...yes thats right, Ashley is in high school!
LOL! I am so happy for her as well as heart broken...man I am a huge mixing pot of emotions right now, I mean I just got over her graduating the 8th grade lol...she is growing up way to fast.
She is so smart, and beautiful, and goofy...shes simply an amazing young woman, but damn it I want my baby back!
I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant, I mean I was sitting there at the recruiters office, and they told me I failed the physical, lol I was pregnant...go figure...then I had to call family planning to take another test to show to the school, while they had me on hold the song "Mamas little baby loves shortning, shortning, mamas little baby loves shortning bread" was playing over and over again lol. I took the test, they did a more detailed test, I was 6 weeks pregnant...I cried so hard, I was os happy.
When the nurse handed her to me, and she peed all over me, alls I saw was this perfect little baby with 10 fingers, 10 toes and all perfection, I was gone from that moment on, Ashley had my heart totally and completely...always will. I just miss being able to hold her, cuddle her, having that sweet baby smell surrounding me...I always wanted more children, but the reality is Ashley is all I ever needed, she is my perfect little girl, my amazing angel.
I am going with them in the morning to send her off to high school...to watch my baby girl walk away, and to know my time with her is winding down, in 4 years she will leave here for college, I will get the occasional phone call...and everyday I will miss her, everyday my heart will break...everyone has their reason for being on this earth, mine was to be Ashleys mom...and I just don't want to let go, I want to keep her my baby forever... |
Again...
Posted by Carie on 1:09 PM
I feel as if Ken and I have taken 100 steps back, not only that, but I think hes cheating on me. Maybe not physically (yet) but emotionally online. He has to many fuckin secrets, to much bullshit, he has all kinds of chat things, an hides them, no hes not just not saying, hes hiding them. I mean come on, we have been through this enough. I don't want to be near him right now, I break into tears constantly, I am just about done, hes hurt me over and over and over again with his online bullshit. I talk to noone now, because I felt it was wrong and I didn't want to hurt him, but he just doesn't give a fuck...I am not sure if we will last, I just don't know anymore...
I love him, I do, but how many times can someone be hurt before they just give up, before they are just so broken theres nothing left.
I am hurting, and he doesn't seem to care...go figure right, I am at a loss...
the internet can destroy a family a lot faster than it can help... when you write you want random play and anything you can get and flirt with stupid whores (yes they are whores, when they know the man has someone and still pursue them thats what they are) you get what you get...to say I hurt...again...would be an understatement, I have been destroyed. |
Oregon/Washington
Posted by Carie on 12:51 AM
Ok to start this post off I must say...I am so so so glad to be home lol.2 vacations back to back that really had no true relaxation was just to much lol, I am tired, sick and man my ankle hurts lol.
We took Ashley up through Oregon to Port angelis Washington and then all the way back through it all lol.
I grew up in Forks Washington, a truely small town. Its one of those little towns you drive through and wonder how the hell people can live there lol. The town is a few blocks big...thats it...one long main street and some houses...no real stores or decent resteraunts, but it was home.
For years I have wanted to take Ashley there, to show here the place I loved so much, but until she read her book she was never interested. Seems that a book called Twilight was set in Forks washington, and this book is huge in the teen world, people from australia, italy, africa and so much more have been to Forks to see it lol...man they must have been dissappointed lol...but Ashley loved seeing it, to see the locale become real.
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We went to a Wildlife Safari first, and I must say it was amazing. I love animals, anyone who knows me at all knows that, so seeing them all roam free was amazing. The lions and the black bears where in cages...thats it...the big ass scary bears were in an inclosure you drive through, free roaming in there, right at your car lol...it was so freakin cool...I fell in love with this place, all that they do...amazing.
There are tons and tons of pics here as well
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Then we went to an aqarium that was so cool...they have glass tunnels you walk through...and the sharks are righ there...it was amazing. I love sharks, you just have no clue...seeing them so close, so big and all around me, over me, under me and on all sides...it was amazing.
Once again at the above link there are tons of the pics (I will put them on flickr soon).
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Here are a bunch of random pics of Ashley and the ocean and such...
There are so many pics I haven't uploaded them all yet lol...we had 2 cameras, plus the cell phones (memory card in it and it holds way over 1k pictures lol) so all togather there are like 700 pictures lol...
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I promise to talk more about the trip later, right now I am gonna go lay down with my dogs, been home a few days and they still need my constant attention, and truelly I missed them so so much...it was hard being away from my doggies lol and the sweet kitten inside and all my outdoor kittens (they are 9 weeks old now) and all my baby fishes lol...yeah I am wierd, I missed them all...and I missed Ken, but shhh thats a secret ;)
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Home again...
Posted by Carie on 6:03 PM
It was such a nice trip, we really had alot of fun :)I am really glad Ashley took her friend, they were able to explore quiet a bit alone, staying near the creek (easy to follow the creek back to camp lol) She had someone to swim with, share a tent with and well just hang out with lol...
I really didn't get as many pictures as I wanted to, we were just to busy, that and I made a choice to spend more time with Ash instead of behind my camera lol...but I did get a few :)
We camped at the usual spot, Fresno Dome, but we did drive way way down to Bass Lake so the kids could all go swimming lol...there was a total of 8 kids so they needed something to do for a bit lol...Ken took Ashley and Leslie for a very long hike to the falls (deep pool to swim in) then up to the Indian camp site, they had a blast.
Ashley caught 3 fish, she would have gotten more, but Leslie had never fished before and didn't know not to snake a persons spot lol...and the next day the kids played in the creek where she was fishing...so al in all she was proud of her 3 large fish lol.
It was so nice and relaxing...it was great to get away for a few days, now we are packing for our next trip lol...alls I really want to do is rest, but oh well lol...
Saturday is my daughters 14th birthday, they just grow up to fast...
Well I am off for now...enjoy the pics :
Gone Camping
Posted by Carie on 1:38 PM
We are leaving in the morning for our camping trip :)I really am looking forward to this trip, I mean its come at a bad time, things are tight, but I need a break, I truely do. My mom and me need some space for a bit, she is driving me nuts.
Ashley is bringing her friend, I am so glad, this way I don't have to drive myself to exhaustion trying to keep her happy lol...
I just want to be up there already, high in the mountains, fresh air (where I live the smoke from all the fires has settled add that to 112 degrees and I can't go outside without having a major asthma attack) the beautiful streams and all the wonders mother nature wants to share :)
Another thing, way up there, they free range the cattle, helps keep the grass trimmed and all that lol, but sometimes those giants scare the shit out of me, but at this time of year they always have thier babies, I love seeing them :) We just have to keep quiet so we don't spook them, and keep our distance so they don't charge us lol...funny that up in the mountains I am more afraid of the cows lol. I love seeing the lizards, snakes and all the furry things, there has been no sightings of bears, last year there was a mountain lion, but that is rare...its just so beautiful....and I want to be there now lol...
I will share many pictures when I get home, I will have funny stories...wooohooo
lol see ya all soon |
